Writing Again...

I miss this blog. I miss writing freely - rambling and analyzing my thoughts and circumstances.

A lot has been going on the last few years that I haven't shared on here. We've moved a few different times... Nate finished schooling... we started jobs... changed jobs... tried to start a family... bought a house...

We're settled in the suburbs of Nashville, Tennessee. It's weird being in a point in life where we're feeling the desire to put some roots down. I think it stems from the annoyance that apartment life brings - and the pain of moving every summer. We're fortunate to even be in the position to be able to afford a home in this market right now. We bought an older home (back in Nov 2018) - built in the 1970's and desperate for a major facelift. Somehow I convinced Nate to let me take on the massive project.

Our journey to start our family has been the most consuming these last two+ years. We decided we were ready to stop preventing back in September 2016, but have not had any success. It's draining and extremely emotional - and I'm learning more and more how common it is - which is as equally frustrating as it is comforting, if that makes sense.

My life lately has been consumed mostly with work and the house renovation. I work from home - and to put my role simply, I usually just tell people I'm a consultant for a small marketing company. Which is not false... but it really doesn't give my job the justice it deserves. I am a consultant (which is much more of a pain because I am my own LLC and I now have to deal with all the things that come with being self-employed) - but the company I'm contracted with is a boutique insights consultancy that specializes in experience design (for companies, their customers, their employees, their digital platforms, and more). Generally speaking, my job consists of lots and lots of research - analyzing that research, and then recommending changes, design strategies, and improvements to our clients based on their initial research objectives.
It's great because it's flexible, always changing, and usually interesting. I'm really fortunate to have stumbled into it.


I'm working on a project right now for a bank client that is interested in understanding their small business customers. One of the questions I've been asking in my interviews is "how does where you are now compare to where you thought you were be?"

I turn 27 in a couple of weeks. Never did I think I'd be this close to 30 and not have a child yet. I know that motherhood shouldn't be defined by age, but I always imagined that I'd be home with kids around this time in my life. I have to force my focus to other things in order to distract myself from the fact that my plan isn't panning out the way I wanted it to for so long.
So I cram my life full of things - appointments and work and side projects + plans and classes at the gym - an entire house renovation (that is taking months!)...

In today's world standards, we would be considered highly successful.

And sometimes I would agree. Sometimes I'm able to recognize all that I've accomplished in my life up until this point. But then my mind goes in two different directions:
1. I should be capitalizing on this time more while I don't have a baby on my hip. I could be doing more, accomplishing more, traveling/designing/dreaming/working more...
2. I don't want any of this. I just want the baby. the family. the stay-at-home mommy life.

And then I get paralyzed. numb. silent.
and I just put my head down and keep moving forward.


My silence is stumping my creativity, though. So I'm back here - writing - hoping that it helps me to release some pent up frustration/confusion/energy... and really just helping me have a place to vent and share current thoughts and happenings.

I want to share more details about our house renovation - Instagram doesn't always do it justice.

I'll probably talk more about our fertility issues.
I'll clue you in to our life here in Nashville.

I just want an outlet to let my mind and words wander again.