YEAR ONE

I feel like a lot of people told Nate and I that the first year of marriage was going to be the hardest. I will admit that there were some hard parts, but I think I expected much worse, just based on all the fear other married couples tried to pour over us. Our "honeymoon phase", or whatever they call it, was cut fairly short due to the stream of high-stress events that followed directly after our very short honeymoon. Adult reality was rough - especially when you're having to deal with it with someone you're not used to spending 24/7 with. Luckily, Nathan is a pretty easy guy to live with; (not that I have previous experience...except for my two brothers...and my dad...) he's kind of OCD, and he has great hygiene, and he doesn't have super high expectations...so that made my job and my adjusting to married life, much easier. Praise him!

Aside from the fun stuff above, here are some other things that we've dealt with and learned this first year:

When I first got married, I felt tons of pressure to be the best house wife ever. Home-cooked meals every weekday night for Nathan when he got home from classes, making the bed every single morning, keeping a spotless house...you know how it goes. Well that ended about 3 months in and I definitely don't feel as much pressure to cook elaborate dinners every single night anymore. With his night classes and pea-size stomach, I'd rather have him deal with it on his own. And I think he would, too, most of the time.

We go to bed pretty early. If I'm up past 11pm, there's something wrong (unless it's a weekend...but even then I'll still be asleep before midnight). I never understood that whole "8hours of sleep" thing - but now I do. Now I swear by it.

We actually socialize quite a bit with other married couples around town. A lot of people said you lose all your friends when you get married, but that's not necessarily true. You may lose all your other single friends when you get married, but they absolutely get replaced. Haha. Like, no offense to the single kids - but you hate hanging out with married couples...it's fine... 

Doing grown-up things is hard. Like taking care of a nasty ticket and doing defensive driving and getting all the paperwork taken care of and filled out correctly. Or paying bills. Like lots of them - and having to keep track of all of it. Or budgeting. Or paying taxes. Or renewing your car registration. Or dealing with housing management companies. Or having a full time job whilst watching all your other college friends go off on these elaborate trips around the world. Boo them. 

Sometimes I get super baby hungry. But that's why we have other married friends with children - we can go hang out with them for a few hours and get reminded as to why we're definitely not ready to have children of our own any time soon. 

I'm realizing more and more the importance of having a job you enjoy. Even if it doesn't pay as much - sometimes I think it maybe is more worth it. Right now that's hard to argue, because I'm having to put my husband through grad school and we're still having to take out some student loans and stuff...but a job is something you spend the majority of your time doing, and if you hate it - it ends up effecting every single other aspect of your life. Since I have extremely limited options here in our tiny town, instead of wallowing in self-misery, I work on changing my attitude and forcing myself to love what I do. But in a year, when we move somewhere else, I'm going to make sure it's both mine and Nathan's priority to find jobs we both enjoy doing for at least 40 hours every week. 

My lactose-intolerance is getting worse. Now I can only drink almond milk and my second bite of ice cream usually makes me sick. Still haven't tried lactose pills, but I have big plans to test them in the near future. 

My attempts to "diet" always fail because for some reason I really just cannot give up sugar. But I'm getting better at working out really consistantly, so I don't feel aaaas bad when I cave.

Don't move into a place just because it looks like a cabin on a 'lake' that would be in a Nicholas Sparks book. Sometimes it's actually quite miserable and infested with spiders and scorpions. 

Don't try to take the protective plastic off the tv your husband bought two years ago or else he will get very angry. 

Don't be indecisive about where you go out to eat, or else your husband will never want to go out to eat with you. 

Don't complain to your husband that it's too cold in your house, becasue most likely he has a hotter body temperature than you. That's what blankets and cuddling are for. 

Don't leave your shoes laying out all over the floor or else your wife will continue to trip over them and maybe even bruise herself on the frame of the bed. 

Don't leave your whiskers in the sink for your wife to find when she gets home from work. Because that's gross and it's not that hard to rinse them down the drain. 

Don't use your fancy knives if you're not going to be suuuper careful, or else you will cut your fingers...a lot... 

Don't put the half-empty bag of flour on the floor of the pantry because it will turn into a home for bugs 

Don't let your husband leave you for the entire summer because then you won't have anyone to kill the bugs...or fix the burnt out light(s)...or complain to your apt. management...or take care of you when you're sick...or watch really idiotic tv shows with you...or eat meals with...  

Don't forget about the sweet potato in your cupboard or else it will start growing long pink limbs and look like a rodent...or a piece of art...  

Start writing things down. You don't have to start a blog in order to be officially admitted into the married people's club, but you should definitely have some sort of way to keep track of the things going on in your life. Good, bad, ugly, depressing, exciting...it's always fun to look back on.

Save money. As much as you can. There's better use for it down the road. 

But at the same time, don't hold back on splurging on things that will be more worth it emotionally. Like my flights to Vegas this summer -- we don't have that kind of money just sitting around, but instead of being ABSOLUTELY depressed for 10 weeks straight, we thought it would be a better investment to go ahead and purchase the flights and save the heartache. Totally, totally worth the money.

Always make sure the first person you tell your exciting news to is your spouse. Not your mom, or your best friend...your spouse. That's what they're there for, and that's who you should always make your first priority. For everything.

Take advantage of every opportunity for adventure. Nate and I are slowly getting better at this. I've been learning a lot from some of my other married friends from college...some of them are SO good at getting out and doing really fun things in the cities and areas around them. Some of the time the stuff isn't even that cool, but I love that they try to do something besides just sit around and be boring all weekend long. Nate and I got too good at that for a while and I'm ready for that to change. 

Our first year flew by way too fast. Looking back, there's so much we went though in such a short amount of time. Lots of ups and downs. I wouldn't do a single thing differently, except maybe be a little more optimistic about certain situations...
I'm excited for this second year to start. We have a lot to get done and prepare for in these next few months, and it makes me so giddy for our future. This final year of Nate's grad program is going to be hefty. I'm not looking forward to all the night classes and team meetings that steal him away from me on my hours off from work...but it's all going to be worth it once he's graduating next May and we're off to a new place to start a new chapter of our lives.

I'm not sure what I did to snag a guy like Nate, but I thank God every day for him and what a blessing he is in my life. He's the kindest, most selfless and loving husband I could have ever asked for. And he sooo handsome :) I love love love him.

Post-Wedding Pitfalls

I have this theory that women either get prettier or uglier after getting married. Sometimes it's a gradual process, and sometimes you start noticing after a few weeks...

Fortunately, but unfortunately, it's not like anyone is going to tell you to your face. The ugly/pretty game is completely mental - you know when you're not looking your hottest, you know when you've put on a few pounds - other people may not know those things, but you definitely do.

For me, I feel like I got uglier. It bugged still bugs me, but I think I'm starting to piece together the reasons why...

I must preface my comments by first saying that my husband loves me with or without make-up; 10lbs heavier, or in old high school sweatpants. BUT, I do know there's a fine line and instead of just relying on the fact that he's going to "love me no matter what", I want to keep him satisfied and infatuated...which entails a little more than a greasy bun and a thrown-together outfit every morning. Beauty is definitely MUCH more than physical appearance, but physical appearance aids greatly in your beauty.

Here are my thoughts as to why SOME of us warp into homely, garment wearing, slummy sisters, rather than super toned, in-style, picture-perfect [modest] bombshells.

FIRST, you may have more down time. Obviously this depends a LOT on your situation - but for the most part, the biggest thing in your life that dramatically decreases is your socialization. You could still be in school, or working full-time, but before marriage, most people made a significant effort to spend time with people outside of their everyday full time activities. Once you get married, that effort decreases significantly, and you find yourself at home, or just with your spouse, more often than trying to get together with a group of other people.
That could bring on a wave of different habits and lifestyle changes that could impact your physical appearance. When you're not constantly trying to catch the eye of every guy you pass on campus, your mindset changes and that's when different habits start kicking in. For instance, you could feel less motivated to work out, spend less time getting ready, eat poorly, have less money to spend on yourself, etc.
My down-time comes after my 8-5 workday and most of the time, I have zero energy and would prefer coming home, plopping down on my couch, and watching endless episodes of GG on Netflix whilst eating handfuls of Chex Mix. Down time isn't really my body's friend most of the time.

SECOND, you may have zero time. After marriage you may have less time than before! You could finally have a full-time job after graduation, you may have babies to take care of, or a chaotic house to run...who knows, but sometimes having no down time is just as bad as having too much! It could cause you to eat badly (since you have no meal prep time), or have no time to work out, or literally have no time to get ready.

THIRD, you have less motivation. I already kind of mentioned this above, but I want to reiterate it. It may be different for some people, but once you're married, you feel like you have him "locked in" - you know he's not going anywhere, so why take the extra time to get ready in the morning or find the perfect outfit for your date that night? He "doesn't care what you look like", so what's the point? Besides, he doesn't like waiting around for you to do your hair, so why "make him suffer"?
OMG I've learned this lesson. Although, I must tell you that guys really don't realize how much time goes in to getting ready. Nate was never around before he came to pick me up for our dates! He didn't know I had to start the process two hours in advance in order to have the perfect outfit and perfect hair and perfect face...he didn't see that routine until AFTER the wedding night. It's a game changer, especially if your significant other is as impatient as mine. (Luckily Nate is quietly impatient, but I can still tell when he's sick of waiting on me). Fortunately, you know how long it takes you to get ready, so as long as your communication with your husband is in full swing, you should know when he plans on leaving and what time you should start getting ready. Nate definitely noticed that I started doing my hair less and less as the weeks went by. He started commenting on shower skipping or "less-fashionable" outfits. (Not that he really cares, but he does occasionally say that he remembers us being more fashionable when we were dating...) I didn't like hearing it, and while I had been used to the same routine for years and years, it made me realize that things needed to start changing if I were going to keep my man happy and satisfied.

FOURTH, making your spiritual life less of a priority. I'm just speaking from personal experience here, but I feel like I became less spiritually minded after getting married. Which, I must admit, is the saddest thing in the entire world, because our church is centered on the family and eternal marriages, and I feel like I could be getting so much more out of my marriage if I were to spend more time on gospel study. Not only do you always benefit from scripture study, but keeping your spirituality in check GREATLY increases your physical appearance. Maybe it's partly because while still single, I felt MORE obligated to be spiritually in-check because if not, I wouldn't be rewarded with my EC or something...haha. Or maybe because BYU singles wards are the best and family wards are not, and having that kind of support system greatly aided in my spiritual well being...who knows. All I know is that your spirit shines through, dull or bright, depending on how healthy it is.


So for those of us that associate with any, or in my case, ALL, of the above, here are some ways to shake things up and hopefully get ourselves pulled together and back to that sexy thing your husband said 'yes' to on your wedding day.

FIRST, don't think that married people aren't fun. Yeah, after you get married, you lose like all of your single friends. It's a big adjustment, but don't let it deflate you. There are SO MANY fun married couples. You were a lot more fearless during your single days; so let that part of you shine again when you're meeting people in your new ward or neighborhood.
Get out of your house. Find things to do where you live. Most likely, you've recently moved from somewhere you've been living for the last little while. Not only do you have a new (eternal) roommate, but you have a new home, a new environment...new everything. Don't let it scare you, let it excite you. Invite people over. Have dinner parties and dessert nights. You finally have a home! Make it fun and something to celebrate and show off!

Also, find friends with babies. I promise you'll start getting spurts of baby hunger all the time after getting married, and if you're trying to hold off on having some, it helps having friends with cute kids - you can spend time with them all you want without the worry of actually having to take care of them 24/7! :)

SECOND, I've found that "me time" is some of the most important time during my day. For some, it really may be impossible, but I would hate to think that. You may have to start saying "no" to the occasional request, or start putting your kids down a little bit earlier than usual, but it's essential. "Me time" may just consist of working out, but I guarantee that you won't regret the time spent getting your heart rate up - ever. Sometimes you just need to get out of the house...go shopping, or just for a drive so you can listen to your music as loud as you want without anyone else caring. Maybe you can't leave the house, but you're baby is napping - some days you just gotta skip the cleaning and sit down and read a book of your choosing, or catch up on a few episodes of your favorite TV show. It's worth it, and you'll feel the difference by making that time for yourself.

THIRD, don't settle with yourself now that you're not fighting for attention. Sure you have a husband now who loves you no matter what, but that doesn't mean you can stop caring about what you look like. To be honest, your husband most likely fell in love with the girl who spent two hours getting ready every morning and making sure she had the perfect shirt to wear with her new jeans. Once he stops seeing those things, it's not necessarily going to turn him off, but it will throw him off. You don't want to stop impressing your man - you still want him to think you're sexy and attractive.

Find time to work out, spend that extra half hour getting ready, eat more healthy, and don't hesitate on buying yourself a cute shirt every few months :)

        

Obviously, not everyone has access to a gym, but that's the weakest excuse for not getting your body moving. I've found AWESOME at-home workouts you can easily do with household objects or simply in your neighborhood. If all you have time to do is go on a 15-20min walk every day, then do it, with our without your kids - it's better than nothing.

        

Aside from getting active, it's also about what you eat. Trust me, it takes SO much self control, especially when your husband probably has the highest metabolism you've ever seen and never puts on a single pound after eating anything he wants...but changing the way you eat, in even the smallest ways, will make you feel SO much better about yourself. Stop buying the boxed snacks/chips/cookies. Quit drinking soda. Try to eliminate the sugar you know you probably shouldn't be eating. Start with that. Pinterest has like a bajillion and a half "healthy recipes" you can go find. Try one out every once in a while, but all it takes is slowly eliminating the mindless treats and drinks and replacing them with healthier options. Sometimes I find that my mouth just wants something to chew on, so grapes and baby carrots are like my go-to.

Spend the time getting ready. I used to ONLY shower in the morning, because I swore that my hair looked better if I did...but after Nate started making fun of me for skipping showers because I didn't want to get up that early, I decided to try out showering at night and it's been a complete game changer!! (It's actually saved me time in the morning.) Wear make-up...even if you know you're not leaving the house that day. Pick out your clothes the night before if you're like me and it takes you 5 tries before finding what you really want to leave the house in.

        

FOURTH, spiritual growth makes more of a difference than you may realize. By making time for Him, you are much happier, and in turn, you absolutely show it. Find ways to serve other people - whether it's your husband, your co-workers, or a couple in your ward that needs a little date night.
To add on to that, spirituality is more than reading your scriptures. It's being positive about yourself and others around you. This one is hard for me - especially with social media today and all the false pretenses it entails. People only post what they want people to see - you're comparing your very worst to someone's very best. How unfair is that?! My advice: stop taking everyone so seriously on social media. And stop comparing in general.
Some girls are fortunate enough to already have most of the above habits in place before getting hitched - making their lives seem more glamorous and desirable than our own. Forget them. Focus on you. You have control over your life and what you do, so if you want change, then start working on it!

Yes, your husband should love you no matter what you look like, but loving yourself is even more important than that. You'd be a liar if you said you didn't care what you looked like. Every girl does in one way or another - so whether you're doing it for him, or for yourself, it's worth making some little changes for the better.

I'm no expert on this subject. I haven't even been married a year yet, so I honestly have no room to talk. These thoughts and experiences are based purely on personal experience, so hopefully someone else can relate to them, too. 

" for me, the most beautiful girl would be a girl that feels comfortable with what she is. i’m always asked about what i would recommend, or what a girl should do—but it doesn’t work like that. you have to find yourself and what fits you and what’s good for you, and most of all, feel self-confident "
-- isabel marant 

The List

The other day I was really bored and created a list of every guy that has ever snagged at my heartstrings in even the slightest way (eg. a kiss/date/deep convo, etc.). Take this as you want - but I did it and couldn't help but laughing out loud at myself and what I had just done.

I know many girls wouldn't admit to this - but literally almost every change I have made in my past; whether it be attitude, habit, style, interest - was instigated due to one of these boys on my list. HOW PATHETIC! Ok but I'm a girl, so that's just how we work, right? Haha. Just let me continue to think this is normal...

I kept going over this list in front of me and it was interesting to remember how different each of these people were - how I was attracted to different things in each of them...how they made me laugh about different things in different ways...how I was more comfortable with some more than others...how different each of the goodbyes were when the time came to part ways...how many of them were now married and how incredibly single I am right now.

Single. Yes. Just the way I like it. These are the times when I get to be selfish and figure out myself and what I really like - I get to decide what makes me happy. I've become really good at this in these last couple years. And as I grow older and mature a little more every 12 months, I become more independent and start to care a lot less about how I'm going to charm the next guy, or find something I can change about myself to impress someone who I think may be watching (who probably won't even notice/care anyways). I am me. And some boy, one day, will come along and appreciate every little thing about me that the last guy didn't.

Wanna know what I've learned looking back on this list of past pursuers?

• Mommy knows best - always trust your parents' instinct eeeven if you don't want to hear it at the time. They're always right.
• Make them talk about their family - if it isn't a positive conversation, run away as fast as you can.
• Bad guys may be more attractive, but they end up hurting you the worst in the end. 
• Don't be afraid to tell your roommate/best friend to back off if you're interested in a guy. It will only help, even if you think it will hurt. Everyone will be happier :)
• Don't always say yes. It's ok to say no. That goes across the entire spectrum. 
• Fake a smile until it becomes real - there's nothing more unattractive than a girl that doesn't look happy.
• The ones you want to hold on to always send the "Let me know when you get home ok" text after hanging out. Choose a gentleman. Always.
• If you don't miss him, you don't care about him enough to keep dragging him along. Let him go.
• EAT IN FRONT OF HIM. Lots.

I'm not an expert on hanging on to guys for very long...hence the reason I don't have a ring on my finger. But I do know that the most important thing to focus on right now is yourself. Until you become equal in greatness to the person you're seeking for yourself, you're not gonna find him ;)

Fear

I have a fear of disappointing people. I struggle with showing my true self to those around me because more often than not, humans tend to set an unreal expectation for those around them, and due to that, project unfair judgements on them before really giving them a chance. It's just the way we work - and while you can find book after quote after tweet about not judging others...I think maybe they've just become silent faults we all keep within ourselves so that we're not perceived as hypocrites. 

It's easy to cover up and blend in with the rest of society- with the way we dress, the way we talk, what we listen to, or what we eat. And I think it's kind of silly, but all so interesting at the same time- the way we're all so very, very different, yet we're all so capable of becoming just like anyone else around us due to the way society has placed importance on popular culture as opposed to developing more individualized characteristics. It's such a personal battle that we all have to go through - how much do we want to fit in with everyone, yet how much do we want to stand out as well? Is there a happy medium, or are there always going to be skeptics and people to disappoint with our level of conformity? Probably. 

Here's what I think - I think there are some things, people, and ideals that are ok to follow, blend in with, and apply in order to satisfy our humanistic needs and desires: to be accepted, praised, respected, secure, fed...the list goes on, but you get what I'm saying. There are also self-actualization needs that need to be met so that we aren't just constantly heeding to what society tells us is acceptable. Flaunt your quirkiness. That's what makes you stand out from all the rest. Your limbs may be a little longer or a little more bent and bruised than others around you, but those little quarks are what add to your beauty and keep you different from anyone else. Sure, to get along we all may wrap a little white plastic around our middle sections - but only for mere enjoyment purposes. Just as if you were looking for a new friend, it's things like the kind of music you listen to, or the clothes you wear that draw you towards like-minded people (for the most part). I feel like just as long as we don't allow that to be all-consuming, we'll be aaaay-ok ;) And hopefully keep us around a positive support system that will always raise us back up after we run into a little pitfall. (Thank you, Ashley) 

Don't let the fear of disappointing people get in the way of your confidence. Strangers can think whatever they want... just be grateful for the people that take the time to grow close to you.  

see more trees here 

What's Your Thing?

So I went on a date the other night. Unlike many other first date experiences, this one was probably one of my most favorite and least awkward of them all. A lot of it was spent just talking - about life, about family, about interests...on the way home I think I got the most thought provoking question of them all. He asked me what "my thing" was. You know, like...MY thing?

I was a little confused with what exactly he was asking, so I asked for him to clarify. He explained it as if my best friends were going to make me a collage for my birthday...like a 'Zoe Collage', what would be on it?? What am I super passionate about? WHAT'S MY THING?

The sad thing was that I couldn't really give him a straight answer. I think it set me off a bit. I didn't have an answer like "guitar", or "sewing", or "pottery making". A lot of things filled my mind, lot's of different answers to his questions...but none that I thought were worth mentioning in the moment. I couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the night...or the next couple days after...

The problem I have most of the time is that I get bored easily. I like mixing it up and I willingly embrace change often in my life. Having a "thing" is hard for me to wrap my head around, because stability and consistency are rare when it comes to my personality. I just really like a lot of different things...

So here I am, after a good 40 hours of contemplation on the matter, attempting to explain to you what MY THING is:

H U M A N I T Y. 

That's what I'm about. I like people - watching them, studying them, interacting with them. 

I like clothes. Don't label me as materialistic, but I find a passion for fashion and creating my own style. As much as I hate getting dressed every morning, I love picking out outfits...I would call that an art in and of itself. 

I like the arts - literal art, visual arts, musical art...that last one especially. 

I love music. All kinds. (well except that screamo stuff...) I love finding new obscure artists that no one really knows about yet. Some people may think I'm wasting a lot of time if they were to calculate the amount of time I spend finding/listening/exploring music...but it's what I love, and if I love something, it's not a waste of time, right?

I like learning in general, especially when I can touch it and experience it first hand. I like creating - watercolor and a keyboard are my go-to mediums. I get that from my mama. 

Sometimes I wish I were better at a lot of things. I think I keep banking on the idea that after I graduate and even after I get married, I'm going to have a lot more free time to do stuff. Like form interesting hobbies and talents that I just haven't had the time to do these last few years. I hope I'm right in my thinking. All my friends that have been getting married say that they get lonely a lot...maybe my cure for loneliness will be productivity. 

So while I may not have a single thing that I am passionate about above all others, I do have passions. And passions are what keep us going. Oprah Winfrey once said, "Passion is energy. Feel the power from focusing on what excites you." Humanity is exciting.

Slow Motion

Do you ever feel like sometimes life is going by too quickly? You look back and feel like maybe your days have been in fast forward for a few months? 

For so long now I thought that that was how I wanted it to be. I've always been a fan of moving on to bigger and better things. My life for years now has been extremely fast paced. I graduated high school early. I took college classes while in high school still. I came to college thinking I could keep with that same rhythm. And I could. And I have. And now I hate it. I could graduate in June if I wanted to. I could move to New York if I wanted to. I could start my career if I wanted to. 

You know what else I could do? I could leave all my best friends and best memories. I could jump the gun and not have any fun with my classes. I could groan and complain about how much I hate Provo and let everyone know how ready I am to get out of here. I could listen to my mind and not my heart. 

I could listen to MY will instead of HIS will. 

I could make a mistake.

And that's what I realized whilst sitting in my D&C class yesterday. I was only listening to what I wanted - not what He has in mind for me. And that was a mistake. 

Why would I want to graduate a year earlier than everyone else I came here to BYU with? Why would I want to move to New York at barely 20 years old to start a career? Why would I want to leave my very best friends to move on to no one and loneliness at such a young age? Why would I only take the required courses and not take advantage of the fun classes I have available to me here at one of the top universities in the nation? Why would I complain about this awesome college town that I live in? There are so many good things about it - it's a shame that I find myself getting down on it so often. Why would I want to get out of here after only living here for 3 years? 

I don't. I'm not. I'm staying. 

Timing

The new year has finally arrived and I have a feeling it's gonna be a crazy one. One full of surprises. 


Lately, I've had a problem trying to plan out my future...trying to count on certain things to work our certain ways to ensure this and that...blahblahblah. Basically I was lacking confidence in my future, and so when it finally all crumbled down, it hit me pretty hard - and so that naturally turned me to the one person we can all always count on...the Lord.


Today in our testimony meeting at church, I swear every person was speaking directly to me - their words were exactly what I needed to hear; mostly the ones focusing on God's love for us. For you. For me. That through it all - He understands what we're going through. When it feels like we don't have anyone else to turn to - at what seems like our lowest of lows, He is always there. Always. 


I don't know why I haven't learned my lesson yet, but I think now, more than times before, I will have to learnt o accept the Lord's plan for me. I have NO IDEA what it is - but that's what's exciting about it all. I have to train myself to let Him work in my life. I have to stop trying to push in MY timetable, when the Lord's timetable rules over that nine times out of ten. 


I found this incredible talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, talking about Timing. I highly suggest taking a few minutes to read it, especially at the start of this new year. Here's one of my favorite quotes from it:
"Do not rely on planning every event of your life—even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord's planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you. Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens. Anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. Then you can await the Lord's timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity." 


I'm open for what He has planned for me - do to the fact all MY plans just got completely crushed, I have faith that HIS are going to be ten times better for me this year. Bring it on :)