Good Byes

It's a bittersweet feeling, seeing someone off on a mission. It's a little hard to comprehend right in the moments leading up to it - you don't really know how or what to feel, so you kind of just keep smiling because you don't know what else to do. But then there's that real moment right there at the end where you finally realize what's happening - and that's when the tears come. That's when you realize what you're really doing is saying goodbye, and that's when you realize you're sending them off...and you won't see them for a very long time. And it's happy, and it's sad...but mostly it's happy - because they're happy, and you know how happy they're going to make everyone else they're going to be with...because they're so great, and you know that other people need them more than you do right now. Even though you love them so much and don't want other people to replace you or get to know them like only you do - and maybe they won't, but you're allowed to be selfish with your very best friends, right?

I've sent off two of my best friends in the last two weeks. The emotions didn't hit me until today, when I dropped of Kaitlin at the MTC. It was easy not getting emotional when Aimee went in, because she didn't let us see her day-of, and I still had Kaitlin to call when I needed her once she was already gone. But today as I was sitting next to Kait at lunch, in her cute little missionary clothes and her big bright smile, it all hit me. The only thing that was keeping me together in that moment was how happy she was- sitting next to me and all of her family. I couldn't help but smile with her all the way to the curb where the greeters were there ready to take her bags and whisk her off into the sea of other missionaries. And I smiled and smiled, even when I felt those tears running down my face as I was saying my last goodbyes. I was the last one to hug her. And I squeezed her little arm and I told her how great she was going to be. Because she is. She's going to be the very best missionary that has ever been. I know that. And I'm so proud of her. And I feel so blessed to have known her these last 4 years. And I know that Heavenly Father has been saving her - saving her for this time and for these people. She has a great work ahead of her :) And I'm so extremely excited to hear all about it.

I love my little Sorella.

He Is God And We Are Not

Today is the day that I was supposed to enter the Missionary Training Center as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I would spend roughly 9 weeks in the MTC, and then head off to Sweden, to preach the gospel to the Swedish people until July 2014.

It's crazy to look back just four or five months and see how drastically my life has changed in that period of time. So many huge decisions have been made and changed and made then changed...which is honestly kind of hard to comprehend. So much of  me wishes I knew the reasons for why things have happened the way they have; but then another part of me is really enjoying this feeling of not really knowing what's going to happen next, or what big change is going to be around the corner. All I know is that it's been a time of growth for me. It's forced me to rely on my Heavenly Father for guidance and help in moving down the path that I felt was best for me - the path that would make me the very happiest, because that's what He wants most for His children.

I'm not writing this because I feel like I need to give an explanation for what's going on - I want to write this because I'm not the only person that's going to struggle with something like this. I'm hoping this will just be an added testimony of faith and reliance on our Heavenly Father to make important decisions in our lives.

Anyone reading this probably already knows about my mission call and everything that led up to it.

I received my call on November 7, 2012.

The days after that passed more quickly than any semester really had before. School and work got more hectic and it was easy to consume my thoughts with everything that surrounded them and my final semester at BYU. So many times I just wanted to quit and leave and just go to Sweden or anywhere else but Provo. My emotions were hard to control - they'd be up way high one day and then on the floor the next. I'd be nervous and scared and doubtful and then excited and fearless all at one time. It helped that almost all of my best friends had received mission calls right around the same time. It made me feel re-assured that this was the right thing for me - the right way to give back - the right way to serve our Lord for the sacrifice he made for all of us. I just had to keep reminding myself that.

That's why what happened mid-November was so out of place. So random. So strange. So, so hard to just dismiss and ignore.

We like to call it fate. Fate brought me Nate :) In the ice cream aisle at the grocery store.
But it started so many years before that night in November. He was one of those people I would see on campus all the time. It started after I walked into the wrong class my freshman year. I made eye contact with this really attractive guy and basically ran out of the room crying in embarrassment. From then on I would see him at least twice a week around campus, before class, in the library...everywhere...but never had the guts to ever say anything to him. But then there he was, right in front of me choosing which ice cream to get...and I guess knowing I was leaving and never going to see him again made me have a little extra courage or something, because before I realized what I was doing, I was talking to him. I was helping him choose which ice cream to get. And he said it was fate. Fate that I was there right then. And I blushed and my hands got extra hot and probably started melting the ice cream that was in my own hands. I walked away pleased that I finally talked to him - this guy I had been crushing on for about three years now. I didn't think anything of it after that. Well, not until I saw him again a week and a half later. Don't ask me how we both happened to be there, all I know is that it wasn't a mistake. I look back on it now and just have to laugh at how shocked we both were. How out of our element I think both of us were, but it only took that one night for both of us to realize that this wasn't just a coincidence. I found out later that he told himself right then that he needed to see me every day before I leave. And he did. He did and I love him for his persistence.

I've heard just about every opinion anyone could have on the situation. I really struggled when it came to deciding whether or not to put off my mission. We're counseled in our church, and even as women preparing to serve missions, to not ignore or put off any potential marriage opportunities. Now I'm not saying there's going to be a ring on my finger any time soon!! Please don't think that. But I knew it was important to take that into account in this big decision. I also knew that this guy was different. SO different than anyone else I know or have dated in the past. If you could just have a little taste of the way my heart feels when I'm around this boy, or even just thinking about him...you would know why I chose to do the thing that I did.

I deferred my mission until May 29, for now. Who knows what will happen in these next few months. All I know is that I needed them to explore the possibility of something I've always dreamed of having. I couldn't imagine leaving after such a short amount of time and not knowing what was going to happen. Maybe I'm not supposed to go. Maybe preparing to leave set me on a course for a lifetime of service. Maybe preparing to leave stopped me from taking a job in New York after graduation. Maybe it could be a lot of things...it makes me understand more fully the importance of staying worthy to receive personal revelation. You never know when your life is going to change all of a sudden and you're going to only have the Lord to rely upon in order to figure out what to do next. I know that's why I felt like I needed to put off graduating until this last month. I know that's why I felt like I needed to prepare to serve a mission. And why I, for some reason, felt like I needed to put my relationship with Nathan above that.
Obviously this is something that I sought a lot of counsel about - from leaders, my parents and other family members, from scripture, and above all of that, from my own conversations with my Father in Heaven. I had to keep reminding myself that Nathan wasn't sent to me as a distraction, or a punishment...choosing him would never be "wrong" or looked at as a "sin" from deviating from my original plan. Revelation changes. We see that time and time again in our church. It's not a bad thing, it's just a way our Heavenly Father reaches us and guides and directs our lives. Sometimes he needs us to start down one path in order to lead us to another...

I read a talk this morning entitled, "We Are the Architects of Our Own Happiness" by Bishop Gerald Causse. In it there was a paragraph that really stuck out to me. He said, "The greatest thing we can desire in life is to align our will to the will of the Lord--to accept His agenda for our lives. He knows everything from the beginning, has a perspective that we don't have, and loves us with an infinite love." I was struggling a lot prior to officially deferring as to whether or not Heavenly Father would desire more for me to serve a mission or to take the steps to potentially starting an eternal family. I was unsure of what "His agenda" was for me in this circumstance. Both were so good - it's almost impossible to go wrong with either of them. Which is why it really came down to me. Yes, I had to keep God a part of it, but I think what I felt the most in deciding is that He was giving me a choice - and I could pick either one and be immensely happy with either of the two options. I really do believe that. I don't think that I will be worse off in deferring or even not ever going on a mission. I feel like there are many people close to me right now that believe that I'm doing the wrong thing by thinking that.

What we sometimes forget is that our relationships with our Father above are too personal to cast judgement on one another's decisions. Our Heavenly Father knows us and our situations so much more than we could ever imagine - or more than anyone else could imagine FOR us. The talk goes on to say that, "The promises of the Lord assure us of our final destination. The itinerary for each of us will vary according to the foreknowledge of God. Our circumstances may change, unexpected events may occur, challenges may arise, but the promises of God to us are assured through our faithfulness." I'm faithful that I'm being guided by a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and my future better than anyone else does. I know that whatever He has planned for me is better than I could ever imagine. Each of our circumstances are so different - I hope we all strive to keep that in mind. Heavenly Father works in our lives so differently according to our needs, personalities, or desires. I know He is anxious to bless us when we do what is right, and I believe that's what He's done and is doing in my life right now.



I met a guy and he changed everything for me. It's difficult for me to write about this, because I still don't know why it happened - it's something I may never fully figure out. But I know that I'm happy. So, so happy. And that's when I know it's right...it's right and it's good. So, so good.

So it should probably be documented somewhere that I've chosen to defer my mission for 3 months. Surprise :) Fate happened and I couldn't really escape it...so I instead chose to roll with the punches and be like totally and completely happy with every second of it.

He gets here to Austin on Thursday. I haven't seen him in the flesh in like a month, so this is like the most exciting thing that's happened all of break. It's like five thousand times better than Santa Clause. I don't regret saying that, either. Praise the heavens. I can't wait.

By Their Fish Ye Shall Know Them?

I always liked to think that I had my life all figured out. Months ago I decided to stay a little bit longer here at BYU for who knows what reasons - I always thought it was to find some guy to sweep me off my feet and put a ring on my finger.

That was not the case.

Then I thought I just needed extra time to find a sweet job in New York City...or anywhere else. After all, I am graduating in December.

That also, was not the case.

Then I figured I just needed to have fun and be with the people I love while we still have time together.

And I was right! BUT, in the midst of that, I also came to realize something else...

I don't always know what is best for me. So often I pray to receive direction on the way my life is headed and SO often I don't always get the clearest answer...it always just kind of happens. I find my life heading in a direction that I couldn't be more happy with, and for that, I just continue to thank my Father above for being so gracious in making my life so clear cut.

After my grand internship in Chicago this summer, I knew that I wanted to continue in the advertising industry. It's everything I'd ever want in a job, so I worked hard at keeping connections with everyone I could at different agencies around the country. Coming into this semester, I knew that my friendships made would be coming to an end, and I'd be off to bigger and better things at some fancy city away from this little city in Utah.

As weeks passed and as my beautiful roommate, Kaitlin, started the process of submitting her mission papers, I couldn't help but think that maybe MY path I had in my head wasn't exactly the right path for me...?

As many of you know, men in my church are asked to spend two years of their life starting at age 19, to serve a mission somewhere in the world. The assignments are made from the first presidency of the church and you are asked to pick up and go wherever you are called. It's terrifying and exhilarating and magnificent all at the same time. Sisters are not required to go, but are gladly welcomed if they so choose. My mom served in Korea at the same time as my dad a little over 20 years ago. (That's where they met...nothing sketchy...don't worry...) It's always been in the back of my mind that I COULD go if I wanted to...but to me, I just felt like God had planned out my life so perfectly up until now...why would I diverge from that in any way?? I had my dream job right in front of me! Yet, as Kaitlin drew closer and closer to getting her call...I drew closer and closer to the Lord, seeking His help in guiding me to make the right choice, for ME.

At the time, girls were not allowed to serve until 21 years of age. Literally a week after these thoughts started coming into my head, the missionary age for girls was dropped to 19, allowing me to submit my papers as soon as I wanted to (since my 21st birthday isn't until March). Meaning I could leave immediately after I graduate this coming December.

All my life, I've been taught that people receive answers to prayers in different ways. I've always been the type to just realize a ways down the road that my prayer had been answered based on the position I was in or the place I had progressed to after a certain amount of time...ya know? Like...slow guided inspiration that led me to the place I needed to be - and then I realize that that was the exact answer I had been seeking. I've never been one to get an answer based off a heavy spiritual experience that causes tears to shed and serious good bumps all over my body...until that day in the Conference Center in Salt Lake. I went into that General Conference weekend ready to get a confirmation on the decision to serve, and the prophet of God stood up within the first few minutes of that incredible weekend and spoke straight to my soul about the importance of missionary work and their cry for help in hastening the work of the Lord. That's all I needed to hear. My answer was clear. I needed to go.

I have no reason not to go - in fact, my reasons TO go greatly exceed my reasons to stay. This may seem slightly trivial to many not of my faith, but I feel like a great portion of my life needs to be spent in service to my Savior - the great sacrifice He made for me and every other person that has ever lived, or will live, is impossible to repay, but a year and a half is still a year and a half, and I can handle baby steps for now.

This gift of the gospel is meant to be shared :) And I know that I can help make others just as immensely happy as I am with it's wonderful news of light and purpose in this life.

I have been called to serve in the Stockholm, Sweden Mission from January 2013 - July 2014
I could not be more excited :) I know this is where I need to be and I'm so grateful for the people that have been in my life to guide me to the place I am today. I'M GOING TO SWEDEN!!!


If you would like to find out more about why I'm leaving reality for 18 months - ask me. If you want to hear more about my church - ask me! If you want to be my friend and take me to dinner/lunch/hot chocolate - ask me! If you want a hug - ask me! If you want to cuddle - ask me! I'm just in one of those moods...so take it while you can. 

Cinderella's Online Dating Testimonial

I met Kaitlin online roughly 3.6 years ago. After much stalking and a few Skype dates, we decided to move in together. Praise Jesus for social media!!! If I'm 28 and single, feel free to find me on match.com, because I swear it'll work.

Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. Having a best friend like Kaitlin has been one of the most incredible blessings of my life. I learn so much from her and she probably doesn't even realize it. I'm so grateful to her and the amazing example she is to me :) 

Kaitlin has wanted to serve a mission for our church for as long as I've known her. Every time she would bear her testimony or teach a lesson or have a gospel discussion with someone else or with me, I could just feel so strongly what an amazing impact she would make on so many people throughout her life. Everyone that comes into contact with her is touched by her sweet spirit.  

My best friend received her mission call last night. She's going to Rome, Italy for 18 months come February 2013. We could not be more excited for her!! It's so amazing to see how the Lord has worked in her life these last few years that I've known her. She has continuously been guided by His hand and it makes her story that much more miraculous. Even something that seemed small at the time, like switching from Spanish to Italian last year, has impacted her future in such a huge way.

She cannot wait to teach the Italian people! SERIOUSLY such a dream come true for her :) God is so good.

Stay tuned for some big announcements ahead! It's an exciting time for all of us!

Soulfish

Do you believe in soulmates? I've been trying to decide whether or not I do. I don't think I do. I think perhaps there might just maybe be one single person in this world that we're going to be the very happiest with - but I also believe that there a few different people that could make us really really happy for the long haul, too. 

See those fish up there? That's us. Remember what your best friend told you last week when you broke up with your last fling? "There are plenty of other fish in the sea". Well they were right. There are plenty of fish in that sea of a world. Millions of them. But here's what I think - I think there are only a few golden prospects that can make it work. And even then, I think there is one mighty fish that could potentially be the best of them all. Wouldn't you agree? So as smart as your friend may be in their knowledge of these gilly creatures...they also failed to warn you of the struggle you're going to have in finding one that won't nip at you or slap you around a little too much. (not literally, of course...) 

All I know is this sea here in Provo, Utah is getting pretty dull. I'm anxiously awaiting those fishies that chose to migrate for a couple years to come back and swim with us again. That's all.