BIRTHDIZZLE

My birthday was a hoot. I got to hang out with this booger all day. I loved it. Normally, I wouldn't take off work for just my birthday, but luckily my aunt chose to get sealed in the temple to her lovey love on the same day...soooo with those two reasons combined, it was an obvious day away from the office.

My mom's parents are currently serving a temple mission in Costa Rica (lucky), but couldn't resist the opportunity to come back to America for their daughter's sealing. It was so nice to be surrounded by family all day.

Aaaaaand Nate totally NAILED the perfect bday present. I've been needing a new purse for months. Husbands give the best gifts :) I'm a lucky girl.

The List

The other day I was really bored and created a list of every guy that has ever snagged at my heartstrings in even the slightest way (eg. a kiss/date/deep convo, etc.). Take this as you want - but I did it and couldn't help but laughing out loud at myself and what I had just done.

I know many girls wouldn't admit to this - but literally almost every change I have made in my past; whether it be attitude, habit, style, interest - was instigated due to one of these boys on my list. HOW PATHETIC! Ok but I'm a girl, so that's just how we work, right? Haha. Just let me continue to think this is normal...

I kept going over this list in front of me and it was interesting to remember how different each of these people were - how I was attracted to different things in each of them...how they made me laugh about different things in different ways...how I was more comfortable with some more than others...how different each of the goodbyes were when the time came to part ways...how many of them were now married and how incredibly single I am right now.

Single. Yes. Just the way I like it. These are the times when I get to be selfish and figure out myself and what I really like - I get to decide what makes me happy. I've become really good at this in these last couple years. And as I grow older and mature a little more every 12 months, I become more independent and start to care a lot less about how I'm going to charm the next guy, or find something I can change about myself to impress someone who I think may be watching (who probably won't even notice/care anyways). I am me. And some boy, one day, will come along and appreciate every little thing about me that the last guy didn't.

Wanna know what I've learned looking back on this list of past pursuers?

• Mommy knows best - always trust your parents' instinct eeeven if you don't want to hear it at the time. They're always right.
• Make them talk about their family - if it isn't a positive conversation, run away as fast as you can.
• Bad guys may be more attractive, but they end up hurting you the worst in the end. 
• Don't be afraid to tell your roommate/best friend to back off if you're interested in a guy. It will only help, even if you think it will hurt. Everyone will be happier :)
• Don't always say yes. It's ok to say no. That goes across the entire spectrum. 
• Fake a smile until it becomes real - there's nothing more unattractive than a girl that doesn't look happy.
• The ones you want to hold on to always send the "Let me know when you get home ok" text after hanging out. Choose a gentleman. Always.
• If you don't miss him, you don't care about him enough to keep dragging him along. Let him go.
• EAT IN FRONT OF HIM. Lots.

I'm not an expert on hanging on to guys for very long...hence the reason I don't have a ring on my finger. But I do know that the most important thing to focus on right now is yourself. Until you become equal in greatness to the person you're seeking for yourself, you're not gonna find him ;)

Miracle

I met the man who saved my life today.


When my mom was four months pregnant with me, the doctors found out I had something called a diaphragmatic hernia. At the time, the survival rate for babies with this condition was only 50%. Even after that, most of the babies that make it, rarely leave the hospital completely healthy and without any sort of contraptions or monitors permanently connected to their little bodies.

There weren't many doctors, let alone surgeons, specialized enough to handle the intense and immediate surgery required for this rare condition. With my dad still finishing his degree at BYU, the percentage of having one of those specialized pediatric surgeons around the Utah Valley area was extremely low. Most go to big cities to practice where there is a greater demand for their talent and expertise.

It wasn't just coincidence that one of the most highly rated pediatric surgeons (for this condition specifically) happened to work at the hospital right down the street from where my parents were living at the time.
His name is Dr. Dennis Vitale. He is now 77 years old. He saved my life.


I've heard my mom tell this story about a million times - each time I'd find myself formulating these silent questions about 'why' and 'how' and 'what if'...Why did this one man just happen to live in Provo, Utah? Why did he specialize in this surgery? How did he do it? What made him the man for the job? What if I didn't have him as my doctor? How did my mom handle it? Why did she choose to not just get the abortion when she found out I had this problem? What if she DID choose to get the abortion? How did I turn out so normal and healthy? 
There have been many times where I've thought about why I even survived. Why I got the chance to come here to this beautiful earth and live a happy life, while so many others hadn't been lucky enough to make it through alive and as healthy as I did.
When I learn about the Plan of Happiness I just think big picture; like 'where did I come from', 'why am I here', 'where am I going' kind of thinking, often forgetting the fact that I hardly made it to step two - getting here to earth.

I think too often I take my life for granted. It's crazy to think that each of us has our own individual plan for our time here in this magnificent world. Do you remember those books you would read in elementary school - the ones that you could control the outcome for? Like you would choose between Sally setting her alarm the night before or not, and then you would either skip to page 15 or page 28 to see the outcome of either of the two decisions? I love looking back in my life and seeing what choices I made to get to where I am today. And then sometimes I look back and wonder how my life would be different if I had decided on something else.
But you wanna know what I love even more than looking back on my own life? I like finding out about other people and how their story panned out to play into mine. This morning was a complete eye opener. My list of questions about who this 'savior' was of mine - his history, his story...he told it all. I couldn't help but think that the interests he had in his younger years of school, the path he chose to specialize in, the places he went to do his residency and shadowing, the jobs he took, the experiences he had and learned from...I felt like every single one of them played into my entire existence. How amazing is it to think that our loving Heavenly Father guided this special man all those many years before in order to be in the right place at the right time to deliver me into this world? To have the knowledge and experience he did by that time in order to free me from my life threatening condition and send me out into the world free of breathing machines or little lungs; free to live life just like any other normal kid. I will be forever grateful to him. And eternally thankful to my Father in Heaven for the guidance he has given him and every other person involved in my life to get me to where I am today.

Talking to Dr. Vitale today made me that much more grateful for my faithful mother. I don't have kids just yet, but I can only imagine the pain and agony she went through dealing with the thought that her little girl may not ever be able to take her first breath. God was good to us. My mother never doubted that everything would turn out ok. To her I owe my heart - her love for me goes beyond words and I will always be grateful for her undying faith in our gracious Heavenly Father's hand in her life.

These two great people, both playing such a huge, but different role in my life, have taught me two very important lessons. First, to follow the spirit and make sure to be at the right place at the right time - because you never know who's life you'll touch at that moment. Second, to have faith beyond all doubt. Even when all my mom was hearing was negative, she had the faith to make it through.
Zoe is greek for 'life'. My mom gave me that name five months before I was even born.

w i s h l i s t

I want to have fresh flowers in my home at all times. I want to be a patient parent and a selfless spouse. I want to learn how to serve without thinking about the reward. I want to write often, read when I'm bored, and paint when I'm sad. I want to inspire the people I work with to live a happier life. I want to live in the city and end up in the country. I want to learn how to survive on nothing. I want to be made fun of for smiling - all the time. I want to leave my nail polish on till it falls off. I want year-round tan lines. I want to be in love with my best friend. I want to be fearless. I want to swim off the coasts of Italy. I want to learn to sail and get lost at sea. I want my home to be full of laughter and always have big breakfasts on Saturday mornings. I want to learn how to speak a different language. I want to take a hot air balloon ride in the middle of spring. I want to make a big discovery. I want to see my best friends grow old and watch our children fall in love. I want to grow my own tomatoes. I want an eternal family. I want a tall tree in my yard with a big wooden swing. I want to only wear dresses for a month straight. I want to write a children's book with my kids. I want to star gaze every night. I want to make sure my family matches every single Easter Sunday. I want to catch fireflies in mason jars and make fresh-squeezed lemonade in the summertime. I want to master the art of listening to my mind and my heart. I want to get butterflies every time I think about  him. I want to make my own gift wrap and birthday cards. I want an old-fashioned mail box. I want to expect nothing and be excited at everything. I want to thank God every morning and every night for the wonderful life I live.

Memories

My uncle used to play this song for me on the piano every time I came over to spend the night at his house growing up. I can picture his long crooked, jammed fingers running almost effortlessly across the black and white keys...

I was a different person then. Young and innocent. Without flaw. Before the age of accountability...so much of me wishes I could have stayed that way forever. Thinking no wrong and always heeding to the care of others.

It's weird to think that they have five kids of their own now. So much time has passed.
15 years. 180 months. 5475 days.
Do you ever wish you could rewind time?
I don't.

Sometimes I wish I could pause it.
Or fast-forward it.

I think everything that has happened in my life has happened for a reason - most of the time, they're reasons completely unknown to me. I'm content knowing one day it will all make sense to me.

I know all the hard time and rough patches will one day be smoothed out and hopefully forgotten. I think my most favorite phrase to say thus far this week is "live and learn". The majority of the time, I've been saying it in a joking manner, but it's so true.